Regrets
by Everything4Everyone
Summary: Rin has been trying to get to Hell for a long time, ten years to be exact. Then he goes too far. Stuck with always having both an angel and a demon on him at all times, a changed appearance, secrets, and suspicion, what will Rin do? Will he finally drop his mask? Finally tell the truth? Finally. . . Warning : Suicide, cutting, and death. May be triggers.
1. Prologue

The room was tense. Angels and demons alike stood against the walls, waiting with bated breath.

The room was pale brown. There were two doors opposite each other.

These doors were where the gods would come from.

There was no conversation. Many of the angels and demons gathered were shocked. Satan and God were going to meet on _friendly_ terms, for the first time in centuries.

And it was all because of a boy.

A fifteen year old boy named Rin Okumura.

A boy that just might unite Gehenna, Assiah, and Zion, once and for all.

Everyone, angel and demon alike, had been waiting centuries for the chance to unite the three mirror dimensions once and for all.

This might be the only chance that they'd ever get.

The two doors opened simultaneously, and two Presenses stepped out.

One was blue flame, Apollyon, also known as Satan, God of Gehenna.

The other was gold light, Elohim, also know as God, Ruler of Zion.

The two met in the center.

 _"Greetings, Apollyon. It has been far too long."_

 **"Greetings to you as well, Elohim."**

A slight pause.

 **"Shall we begin?"**

And so, the Beginning of the End and the End of the Beginning started.

And so Satan and God united for the sake of one boy, a boy who would shame the world.

Rin Okumura.


	2. One

Rin stared down at his flawless wrists. No cuts, bruising, markings, anything. You would never know that Rin had slit both deeply less than ten minutes ago. Rin sighed. "Another failed attempt. Stupid healing. Guess I'd better write it down."

Rin tore up a floorboard, revealing a stained brown notebook. Opening it to a blank page, he began to write.

 _'ATTEMPT NO 954._

 _Slit wrists deeply._

 _Almost cut hands off._

 _Completely severed bones._

 _Hands attached by thin strips on each side._

 _Healed completely in seven minutes_.

 _FAILURE.'_

Rin marked it with a bloody thumbprint, before closing the notebook, and replacing the floorboard. "Ach, I can't do anything right." He slumped down on the floor tiredly. "I'm sick of all this. Maybe either God or Satan will grant my wish." He stared up at the ceiling. "I know they won't."

Rin was late again. Just by a couple minutes, not enough to miss anything, but long enough to annoy Yukio.

He loved learning. His brain soaked up information like a sponge, taking without giving. It helped that he had a photographic memory. He had the entire Bible memorized in 100 languages, all of which he was fluent in. It could be quite annoying at times, but he also knew demon and angel language, and that was useful.

He wished he didn't have to hide who he really was from everyone, but it was necessary for the life he'd chosen for himself, the life he'd taken, the life he needed for his brother's sake.

The life he'd forced himself to live.

It wasn't easy, to pretend to be someone else, but he'd managed for ten years. The rest of his life wouldn't be that long. He would die as soon as possible. If not by suicide, then by other means.

Of course, dying wasn't easy either. No matter what he tried, he just couldn't die. Taking a bath in holy water might work. In fact, that was to be his next attempt. He already had the holy water, and it was heating up.

Rin pretended to wake up as Yukio threw a piece of chalk at him. "OW! Sorry, Yukio. Guess I fell asleep again..." He laughed sheepishly, rubbing the chalk mark on his forehead. He had a bruise there, hidden under layers of makeup.

Yukio sighed and resumed the lesson. Rin didn't pay attention. He didn't need to. He could be the Paladin if he actually tried. In fact, he could be the Paladin right now if he wanted. Mephisto, or Samael, as Rin called him, had offered the position to him countless times over the years. Rin always refused. He wanted Yukio to be the star of the family. He wanted Yukio to be the Paladin. He wanted Yukio to surpass everyone, and he was determined to help his brother in any way possible.

Rin yawned, and began to curl his tail tighter. He never showed it to anyone anymore. He didn't trust them enough. After all, he'd trusted them with his second-largest secret, and they'd feared and hated him.

You only show your tail to those you trust.

Rin was exhausted. He hadn't slept since Father Fujimoto had died. It was ridiculously easy to pretend to sleep all the time, though, and nobody ever noticed.

Nobody ever noticed anything.

Rin sat up suddenly, tail twitching under his shirt. Samael and Amaimon were coming, with a mission. Yukio gave him an odd look, but continued teaching.

Rin forced himself to relax and look bored. Not hard. He was bored to death with this stuff. No wonder Shura had always brought video games while she was posing as Yamata. Learning stuff you already know and pretending to be bad at it was both extraordinarily boring and pitifully easy.

Even having ADHD and minor dyslexia couldn't make it harder. He knew why he had these. Yukio should have had them too. They were signs of being born from a god, Satan in this case. All of Satan's children had these small traits.

Samael appeared in front of Yukio suddenly, causing the lesson to grind to a halt. "Please excuse my interruption, Exwires and higher class,"

His eyes flicked to Rin, confusing everyone. "but I have a mission for you."

Everyone leaned forwards eagerly. "Southern Cross Monastery has been having a demon problem recently. They are swarmed with demons all night, and have to pick up the pieces during the day. Some of these demons are high-leveled, so I'd advise bringing Kuro, Nee, Uke, Mike, Shura, Rin and Takara. They should all be quite helpful, especially Rin. Yukio will also be a great help, seeing as he and Rin grew up in the area."

His eyes twinkled strangely. "Enjoy! You leave at eight in the morning, and should be there for at least a week and a half, so I suggest you pack accordingly. Farewell, Exwires and higher!"

He vanished in a puff of pink smoke, leaving an ashen-faced Rin. Yukio took one look at him and dropped his chalk. "Rin, are you okay?" Rin shook his head and left the room, walking slowly, his head down.

Izumo made as if to go after him, but Yukio shook his head. "Let him be." She gazed sadly after the half-demon, tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. She knew that look. He was going somewhere that was painful to him.

She resolved then and there to be Rin's friend, and be someone who can help him.

Rin screamed angrily. His notebook was up to Entry 1,000, and yet he still couldn't die. He'd chopped off his head, tore his heart out, took a bath in boiling holy water, strangled himself, hung himself, ripped all of his limbs off, tore himself to shreds, stabbed himself in the head, set himself on fire, jumped off the roof, poisoned himself, stabbed himself with Kurikara, and did everything else he could think of, but still didn't die.

He dropped to the ground, sobbing, his tears flowing down his face and collecting on the blood-stained floor.

He laid there for a while, crying all of his anger and grief away, and wishing that he was dead and in Hell. Demons go to Hell, after all.

Rin sat up. "And here I thought that people who commit suicide go to Hell. Guess that's wrong, 'cause I've committed and I'm still here."

He slowly dragged himself to his feet and made his way to his empty bedroom, where he flopped down on his bed and began pretending to sleep, not bothering to clean off the tear stains.

Time passed.

Yukio came in and out a few times before finally going to sleep.

The moon rose and set.

Kuro fell asleep.

Coal Tars wandered in and out, attracted by Rin's power and feel.

A few Goblins and Hobgoblins dropped by and left a few hours later.

Izumo snuck in and left Rin a small box.

Yukio woke up and left.

After Yukio left, Rin picked up the box that Izumo had left him. Inside was a letter with his name on the front and a necklace. The necklace was a golden chain with a purple and blue yin-yang symbol globe attached to it.

Rin opened the letter first.

 _Dear Rin,_

 _I'm sorry for not talking to you sooner. I've been wanting to speak to you, but I never had the guts._

 _I know how you feel, and I'm sorry for making you go through that alone. I'm part demon too, and I understand what it means to be ostracized and rejected. I was not a happy child. My little sister and I were captured by the Illuminati, and my mom was possessed by the Ninetails. When I came here, I hated everyone._

 _Now I understand that you are like me in many ways._

 _I would like to offer the hand of friendship to you._

 _If you accept, then put on the necklace. I have a matching one. We are the only ones who can touch them or take them off. We will always be connected, as long as we wear these necklaces._

 _I'm sorry for the harm I caused you._

 _May we start over?_

 _Your hopeful friend,_

 _Izumo._

Rin smiled as he picked the necklace up and carefully slipped it onto his neck. "I already forgave you, Izumo." He said quietly, before preparing to go, and leaving.

Rin smiled at Izumo. "Hello, Izumo. Thank you for the lovely gift you left me." He carefully angled his neck so that the sun hit the golden chain on his neck. Izumo smiled in relief, tilting her neck so that her matching chain was visible. "Thank you for accepting it, Rin."

Rin's smile was small, but genuine. "I'm not surprised you saw. I always believed that you were the smartest one in class." Izumo laughed softly. "I think you're smarter than me, Rin. I think that you simply haven't been around many people before, and aren't sure how to act around them."

Rin laughed softly. "We'd better go."

The two of them stepped into the car that had been provided for their journey, followed by the rest of the Exwires, and began to arrange seating.

Yukio drove, and Shura sat shotgun.

Rin sat behind Yukio and Izumo sat behind Shura.

Takara sat behind Rin and Shiemi sat behind Izumo.

The Kyoto trio sat in the back.

Everyone was happy with the arrangement.

Yukio began to drive.

Rin was uncharacteristically quiet, and his face was pale. His nails were digging into closed fists, blood leaking steadily out of them. Izumo turned to him. "You'd better stop that, Rin. Whatever happened there, it isn't worth you beating yourself up about it. Besides, we need you at full strength for this assignment." She gently uncurled his hands and watched them heal. "Good thing you've got advanced healing." She smiled softly and pulled her hands back, staring out the window.

Rin sighed, turning away. "Okay. Just don't expect me to relax." Izumo nodded, still staring out the window. "So, who died? It must have been someone you loved very much." Yukio stiffened. Rin's voice was steady. "My foster father, Shiro Fujimoto. He was the Paladin before he died." Izumo's voice was sad. "How did he die?"Rin stiffened slightly. "He committed suicide." Raw pain was obvious in his voice. Everyone knew that he hadn't told the whole story. "He died protecting me. The old man could really be stupid sometimes." Izumo slapped him. "Then everyone in this car is stupid, because we've all protected you at some time or another." Rin smiled.

The two of them fell silent.

Neither of them ever looked away from the window.

Rin stiffened as they pulled up at Southern Cross. "I thought Sa-Mephisto said that the demons only came at night?" Confusion was evident in his voice. Izumo sat up straight. "I don't see anything. What do you see, Rin?"

The boy shook his head. "The place's surrounded. Demons swarming the air. It's pitch black out there, nothing to see but demons. When he said problem, he really meant problem."

Yukio frowned. "Stop making stuff up, Rin."

He kept driving. They could all see Rin flinch as they passed through the demons. They all choose to ignore it and him. None of them helped or comforted him. Demon.


End file.
